8 Years of Failure Will Make My Success

Many folks are still asking me about why I've stopped charging for my works, my responses to them were getting pretty large (there's a lot to explain), so I figured I'd post it here, in a blog. - Gosh, where to start...

Firstly, I wouldn't have been able to do this without support I've gotten from folks like you over the years, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. A few SPECIFIC individuals have gotten me out of several jams several times, so sincere thanks for that, they know who they are. If you've commissioned me in the past, or bought something from my store or via paypal, you are one of these people.

Let's talk about how I was doing near the end of my 8-year tenure of making comics to sell...

Creatively I was pretty stressed and ground-down from the store, prices and things like that. Pricing things always stressed me, like if I wanted to make ANYTHING, the 1st thing I have to think about is "who is going to be in it? Will they make money? What will be the fetishes and are the fetishes marketable?"

If there's 2 things I've learned doing this, it's that 1. I now understand business, and 2. running a business doesn't agree with me. - I have the mind to understand it, but not to abide by it. For example, a good business is consistent and focused - and I literally suffer from bipolar!

So what I want to make - changes all the time, and you can't do that in business! - If you look at some of these boxing Patreon pages for example; fantastic artists, a focused product, and pledgers or buyers know what they're getting every time. When I sit still for too long it triggers my depression, quite frankly. - If I tried to make a consistent product, I start to get bored and irritable, and then I lose pride in what I'm doing, and that's just sad, because this is my favourite hobby, and it's a terrible shame to choke it.

I've been writing for 20 years, selling for 8 years and there's no financial improvement. In Manta Ray's heyday I was making about 500 bucks a month, and these days I'm making 2-300, which obviously isn't enough to live off of something you're doing full time! - I think the worse thing is that I knew EXACTLY what I was doing wrong EVERY step of the way, but I couldn't adhere to it because of who I am. Whenever I get too settled with something successful, I get itchy feet, thinking about doing something else, then I get depressed over my inability (or financial difficulties) to do it, and that in turn makes me unable to continue the successful thing!

It's a mindfuck, but this way is honestly better. I don't care if it doesn't make as much money, my work is being shared online in mass, and that'll up my chances of getting commissions, and when all the commissions are done (and they don't take long), I can sit down and make new comics with 100% creative control, not worrying about how it's going to be marketed, or what fetishes I need ot keep to to make it marketable, effectively returning my hobby to me, and I am SO happy to have it back.

I use The Manta Ray as a prime example. There's SO much you can do with a shapeshifter, but in order to earn from it, she needs "common shapes to shift", so that you can market her, and grow a reputation for her. - But I'm always sitting here like "What ELSE can she do?" and if I wanted to make money, I'd have to think less like that, or at least, I'd have to think critically about if her next ability was something marketable or not.

This may startle you, but I've pissed off MANY buyers with Manta's comics, and I can't take the "haters gonna hate" route because ultimately I *do* respect business and buyers. These are folks giving me their hard-earned money for something it's *my* job to provide a descriptive description, a clear and explanatory front-cover, and DELIVER what they expect. - For example, if Manta Ray goes 10 comics without any muscle-expansion, then it suddenly appears in the 11th, that has the potential to alienate a whole portion of the buyers who weren't expecting it. And again, they've paid MONEY for that, and I can't belly-ache that they perhaps didn't read the cover, because when you become a fan of a character, you just click and buy!! You go "there's my girl! New comic! Yay!", it's what many of us do, me included! But if you hit that character's fanbase with swerve after swerve, you'll start to destroy that fanbase due to inconsistency.

The crux of it all is that the "doctor" part of my pseudonym is derives from a "mad scientist" persona. I pride myself on experimentation, and experimentation has no place in business. Even trialing new products requires a consistency to it. Experimentation is what you do to set UP a business, not run it. Business is rigid, it is straight-forward, it is linear, that is how it functions best. Any market could collapse itself in weeks by changing every day. This is why songs needs hooks, comedians need catch-phrases and every story needs a beginning a middle and an end.

I'm not saying my inconsistency was immoral or unethical to sell like I did, I did my best to fill descriptions with what I was honestly selling, I know my conscience is clean there, but I personally have SUCH a strong respect for ethics in business that my heart just couldn't take it given how much my mind likes to wander. I was terrified of charging unfairly or making someone feel ripped off (as i have myself, DOZENS of times). There are a handful of artists/promoters on here that violate ALL my ethics, these are artists/promoters that I utterly despise and hate with every fiber of my being. But they're some of the biggest earners here, and they're always in my peripheral vision, and I will never have respect for them, no matter how much money they make. (do NOT ask me to name them, I let my opinion sing by simply not talking to them, because they sure as hell don't talk to me, or anyone, for that matter.)

I've got artists/friends who are very successful at what they do, earning well, offering a consistent product and delivering exactly what they promise. The bullet-points on their front covers or proposals detailing EXACTLY what the buyer is getting. The Gemma Rox's , the suzukishinji's, the AVS3D's; these are the sort of people I respect to no end, due to the consistency of their products and their respect for business and the buyer.

But it's not for me. It's not me. I am mad, and I have always been mad. During my 8-years of business, I have slowly become ashamed of my madness due to its ability to destroy everything I have tried to build, and during the past week of dropping my paywall, that pride in my madness is slowing returning. I'll never sit still, I won't do what someone else wants of me, I'm a cynical, silly and awkward bastard and I like it. I change every day in every way. Statements I may make may be completely re-thought the next day, this is the personal evolution I prefer, I have to experiment with who I am as a person until the end of time, I am proud of that, but it has no place in business.

Some of you have told me that my work IS consistent, and while I appreciate that (not to mention appreciate YOU), unfortunately, money talks. For example, the Expanding Shemale Fight Club; LOTS of people have gotten angry about an absence of new episodes, they've done it recently, and they've done it in the past when I'd gone through long-periods of making anything else but ESFC. The project was PROMISED to my Patreons, and I lost interest for the moment after promising that, this is the sort of thing I'm talking about. - When that passion isn't there and you make the product anyway? The product severely suffers, and you feel like the fast-food of erotica. "I gotta finish this shitty product because people want it." is a HORRENDOUS way to think about art, which you love, which you are preparing to sell to people who have paid for it, people you respect. It's like having sex with your wife just to shut her up. Grow a pair and either divorce her, or talk to her, don't fuck her when you don't want to, that is disrespectful to both her AND yourself!

Commissions are consistent by their nature. Someone asks something of you, and you deliver it to the best of your ability. So long as you're sure that the commissioner KNOWS your ability, there is absolutely nothing to fear. People know me, they know what I do and how I like to portray things, I don't think these 8 years have been wasted AT ALL in that regard, and in the first WEEK of valuing commissions over products made for a store, I have earned $200. That is what the store made ALL last month. If this keeps up, I will have nothing to worry about anymore, and my future comics will be more free than they've ever been. - And if you don't like 'em? Who cares, you didn't pay for it.

I am on fucking cloud nine.

Thank you very much for reading, and for supporting me over the years. I cannot begin to explain how much I appreciate all of you, your custom, your friendship, your support and indeed your concerns for me in this past week, or any weeks in the past when I've let-on that things have been going terribly. This isn't generic "I love my audience" bullshit, this is legit, because often, there wouldn't have been ANY food on the table without you. I live by respect and I will die by it, and give it where it is DUE.

All the best, and have a fantastic day.

- Dr. Edgar Slam